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Ok, let’s talk about the holidays.
Since childhood, we’ve been fed the idea that holidays are a time joyously spent with family, celebrating specific holidays, exchanging gifts – an easy and peaceful time.
There’s what I like to call a “Holiday Box”, which is what we are told we should do and have during the holiday season each year. For most of us, it’s hammered home in mainstream media since childhood.
Here’s what the Holiday Box looks like:
But many of us fall outside the box, like this:
Falling outside this box can leave us feeling grief, loneliness, othered, inadequate, or self-critical.
Mainstream media can trick us into thinking that this is an easy and happy time of year for most people.
As a therapist, I want you to know that that is unfortunately not true.
Many people are estranged from family, have strained relationships with family, have lost a close family member, don’t have money to buy the gifts they would want to buy for others, feel pressure to be picture-perfect, are going through a breakup, live far apart from family, or struggle with guilt, anxiety, loneliness, or other strong feelings over this season.
Our value is not based on what we can afford to buy, who we connect with over this time of year, the disagreements that might arise with family members, or anything else that is not “picture-perfect”.
And if the holidays are a happy and simple time of year, may we practice gratitude knowing that that’s a gift worth celebrating in it of itself.
How do we cope?
Sometimes, self-made rituals can be meaningful over this time of year.
- Treat yourself – buy or make yourself a gift, have a special meal, pamper yourself
- Volunteer and give back to communities in need
- Do something to honour someone who you might be missing this season
- Write a letter to your future or past self
- Try something new (e.g., a craft, going to a new area of the city, making a new meal/dessert)
- Listen to a podcast that warms your heart (Dear Sugars is my personal fave!)
- Make plans with people who mean something to you
Remember:
❁ We can show love for others without going into debt.
❁ We can give ourselves permission to not be as ok as we’d like.
❁ We can accept that we aren’t responsible for the happiness of other adults.
❁ We can choose how we’d like to spend our time.
❁ We can remember that how we spend the holidays doesn’t define our self-worth.
❁ We can feel our mixed feelings.
❁ We can be kind to ourselves, knowing this time of year is difficult.
Know you’re not alone.
If you’re in Ontario and want some extra support during the holidays (or anytime) book your free 15-minute phone consultation.
Clare Karasik, MSW, RSW 