Life is full of never-ending big and small choices. These choices can be both exhausting and energizing. However, if we struggle with anxiety, self-doubt, or low self-confidence, these choices are likely tiring.
Self-doubt may have us believing that we’ve taken the “wrong” path or made an error in our judgment.
Even after we’ve made a choice, we might find ourselves anxiously second-guessing. If you find yourself in this ruminative loop, I invite you to ask yourself the following:
- How long has this self-doubt been part of my life?
- Does its voice resemble anyone from my life? If so, is this person a reliable source of information?
- What is this doubtful part afraid would happen if I chose “wrong”?
- What is this doubtful part trying to protect me from?
- Is this doubtful part successful in protecting me?
- What might be more needed or helpful right now?
Trusting in our choices might look like:
Learning from our past experiences
Finding confidence in our choices might feel far away if we’ve made choices in the past that didn’t produce the results we wanted. Learning from our missteps is beautifully human. Finding a way to self-reflect with a simultaneously compassionate and honest lens is what helps us grow best. If we’re looking back on a choice that didn’t go as hoped, we can ask ourselves:
- Was I discounting or excluding important information when I made this choice?
- Was this choice impulsive or thoughtful?
- Was this choice part of a pattern of behaviour?
- Did I make the best choice I could with the information I had at the time? What new choice might I make and why?
Knowing that’s even the best choices aren’t always perfect
In all our reflection, it’s important to know that even the best choices might turn out badly, which is simply a part of the unpredictability of life.
Knowing there’s often no “right” choice
Finding confidence in our choices doesn’t look like blind optimism that all our choices are perfect. It takes a balanced and perhaps neutral awareness of a situation. It’s important to remember that, most often, there’s no “right” or perfect choice. There’s only the choices we make, each with a set of consequences (some of which we won’t know until we take that path).
Providing ourselves with reassurance when self-doubt arises
If we struggle with self-doubt, we often defer to others to make choices for us or ground us when we’re stuck in anxious second-guessing. In the end, this just perpetuates the idea that we can’t trust ourselves and it also doesn’t provide us with opportunities to make our own choices. Learning to provide ourselves with the reassurance we so deeply crave from others is a sign that we’re on our way to self-trust.
Remember
There’s something inside you worth trusting. Give yourself permission to embrace it.
Clare Karasik, MSW, RSW 